Five Philadelphia-Themed Hallmark Movies That Don’t Exist But Should

Writer Katie Kohler offers some suggestions for this year's holiday lineup.



Rocky Statue Holding a Cheesesteak

 

This time every year, the Hallmark Channel rolls out its lineup of holiday movies. They all follow the same formula—and why mess with success? The plucky girl with the heart of gold always gets everything she ever dreamed of on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day/New Year’s Eve. As for the rest of the year, not so much.

For the sake of geographic authenticity, I’d like to suggest a few tweaks to next year’s Hallmark lineup.

A Christmas Angel-a

Angela’s life revolves around family drama, mean-spirited gossip and nosing around in her neighbors’ business. Suddenly, after colliding headfirst with a tub of Tastykake holiday cookies at the local Acme, Angela can only say nice things. Instead of tearing people down, she spends the holidays repairing friendships and mending her own broken heart.

Wiz, Steak, Love

Tired of her tech job, Jayne breaks off her engagement from her attorney boyfriend and opens a sandwich joint. Every morning, a delivery driver named Phil drops off rolls and brings her coffee. Could their romantically charged early-morning chats—and Phil’s Celiac disease—provide the inspiration she needs to find unlikely success with her gluten-free cheesesteak before the New Year?

I’ll Brie Home for Christmas

Chris is a Di Bruno Bros. employee with a knack for pairing cheeses with any taste, wine or occasion. Can this lonely cheesemonger find his own match by Christmas Eve?

Loan for the Holidays

Recent college grad Belle returns home from Villanova with a boatload of student debt. When her mail is accidently delivered to a house across the street, she discovers that one of its occupants, 30-year-old Ben, is still living at home as he pays off the debt from his six-year stint at St. Joe’s. Amid intense conversations about college, careers and defaulting on their loans, a budding romance ensues.

On Iggles’ Wings

If she can somehow find a husband before the end of the Eagles’ season, Sara will inherit her dad’s season tickets at the Linc. To honor her father’s dying wish, she invites a different super-fan to each home game. Could the perfect match be sitting right next to her?

Katie Kohler wishes her family, friends and readers a Hallmark-caliber holiday season.

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