The 4 Personalities we Inhabit on Social Media

Who needs Halloween when you’re wearing a digital mask all year long?



Illustration by Michele Melcher

Dressing up for Halloween has lost its appeal. It’s not because I’ve grown out of it—or because I’m tired of putting a sexy twist on costumes. I simply have various personas already going 365 days a year.

And I’m not alone.

We embody different characters to acquire Facebook likes, the occasional “love,” and the holy grail of comments, “Yasss!” I never thought anything would require as much work as the mask with the rubber band that tore out my hair and broke halfway through trick-or-treating. I was wrong.

Here are favorite social media masks.

Rachael Ray

To date, all “one pot” recipes are lies. The meal is not complete until I have a sink full of dirty pots and pans. The shrimp, lemon and basil pasta looks effortless, but I’m always on my third attempt before I deem it camera-ready.

And that pot of Sunday sauce and meatballs? I’m tethered to my stove all day, stirring every 20 minutes while making sure everything in frame looks clean and uncluttered. The result: delicious and photogenic. After all, who can skim past a picture of red sauce and fist-size meatballs, topped with a snowfall of cheese?

The Social Butterfly

“It looks like you had such a fun weekend!” said a co-worker who’d seen my FB pictures of dinner on Friday night, followed by a trip to a flea market on Saturday. What she didn’t know was that I spent the rest of the weekend binge-watching This Is Us, napping, and ordering tacos via UberEATS.

Not a Hot Mess

Some people ponder the meaning of life or they’re ability to affect positive change in the world. I wonder if I remembered to turn off my flat iron.

It took a joint effort from the skilled makeup artists at Mac and Bobbi Brown to get me where I am. Even with the perfect makeup and costume—er, outfit—I need at least a dozen pictures to choose from, since my chins multiply in the span of a photo burst.

Carrie Bradshaw, the Writer

Carrie spent much more screen time looking for and getting sex in the city than she did actually writing. As far as you know, a blank Word document on the MacBook with an artfully designed foamy latte nearby is an integral part of my day—as is the new boutique opening with the mini-prosecco-bottle party favors. (Glamorous!)

More true to life, though, is me wearing a hoodie and sitting at a desk piled with notes and empty Starbucks cups.

This Halloween, Katie Kohler is planning to dress up as either Wonder Woman or a vampire. Visit www.katiekohler.com.

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